If I continue telling myself "there is no point in being sad" and try to focus my energy elsewhere, would that kill that emotional side of me? That pointless self-absorbed side of me which I love and hate at the same time.

I feel I have become more self absorbed lately, there's no particular person I can openly direct my attention towards. Not because I don't want to. I feel.. closed up. For whatever reason I do not know of. Someone made me hate asking "how are you". And I already feel so disgustingly self absorbed I don't want to tell anyone about me unless they probe. It shows real interest. I like that. Strangely, I can't do the same for others, I don't dare to. I want to take that away from me and care for others again.

I miss you and I am sorry. I hate how the word sorry always doesn't mean much, but I am sorry. Tell me how exactly I can make amendments. Tell me you're disappointed, ask for any sort of attention I can give.

As for the other you, I don't trust that you'll want to make amendments so maybe we will drift apart, not making it to the opposite ends of the sea, not far enough to be out of sight, but still apart. Until you prove me wrong.